Rolling Stone - Mini Episode 4
Content Warning: Sounds of vomiting, second-hand embarrassment
Ricketts interviews Montague for the mission and recalls their disastrous first meeting.
Tides was written by Jesse Schuschu and directed by Jesse Schuschu and Ayla Taylor. It was produced by Ayla Taylor and edited by Bridge Geene. Art by Sarah Durst.
Dr. Robert Montague - James Oliva
Captain Ed Ricketts - Zach Libresco
Miles Berkeley - Jack Pevyhouse
Tides is the story of Dr. Winifred Eurus, a xenobiologist trapped on an unfamiliar planet with hostile tidal forces. She must use her wits, sarcasm and intellectual curiosity to survive long enough to be rescued. But there might be more to life on this planet than she expected. . .
Find episode transcripts and extra content at www.tidespodcast.com and follow @TidesPodcast on Twitter or Tumblr.
Music in intro is "Shimmer" by Scott Holms and the ending music is "Drift" by Scott Holms.
Sound effects used in this episode were either downloaded in accordance with their copyright or were created for the use in this podcast.
INT BERKLEY’S OFFICE
Berkley: I’m glad to see you here Ed. Though, I mean, you’re not looking too great.
Ricketts: Oh you know. Workshops all week. Boring as hell, and then I always end up at some bar afterwards trying to forget it and the night gets away from me. I don’t suppose you could make an upper cap on workshop attendance? I must’ve been to at least fifty of them by now.
Berkley: Oh, I mean, I- I wish uh, I - I don’t really like speaking at them, to be honest. But you know, corporate hierarchy and all that. I’m just as trapped as you are in the system, man!
Ricketts: Yeah. [Sigh] Well, I’m hoping this goes well at least.
Berkley: [Brightening up] Oh yeah, I think you’re really gonna like this guy, he’s been on quite a few missions himself. He knows his way around the place. He served on the Laurium, mostly. Whiz with the mining lasers and such. Really bright.
Ricketts: The Laurium, huh? Never on that ship. It’s a big company though, I doubt we’ve ever met -
Montague: Heeey hey hey, sorry, am I late? This is the place for the uh Sirbog [sic] mission, right?
Berkley: Ed, meet Dr. Robert Montague.
Ricketts: Nice to . . . meet you . . .
Montague: [Shakes hand] Wait, do I know you already?
Ricketts: Oh. Oh no.
Montague: Oooh man, it can’t be - Ed -
Ricketts: - Ricketts. Ed Ricketts. I’m going to be your instructor today, as we try out one of the most dreaded apparatuses ever conceived of in the history of aeronautics. It was originally a part of early astronaut training programs in the former United States and Soviet Union. It will demonstrate to you, very personally and extremely viscerally, the extent to which your body can be pushed. You will discover what the laws of physics can do to a body moving at variable accelerations during takeoff, landing, and in the rotating sections of your respective vessels. As you can probably guess the long arm is attached to a motor and rotates at high speed. The capsule at the other end holds . . . well, you. In a little chair, holding on for dear life.
Montague: Oh! Oh, uh, I have a question.
Ricketts: Yes, go ahead.
Montague: First of all, that thing looks rad as hell. Woah!
Ricketts: . . . Thank you . . . I guess.
Montague: Second of all, do people ever die in it?
Ricketts: Not . . . recently.
Montague: Ah! Okay, okay so glossing over that as if it didn’t tell me everything I need to know -wink wink- do we get extra points for like, I don’t know like tricks?
Ricketts: What do you mean, tricks?
Montague: Like, uh, a handstand, or hanging on the outside, or spinning a basketball on your finger. You know, nothing too complicated of course, but. Like uh, even like a card trick would be pretty impressive to pull off in there I think. Like uh, what’s your card, any card, pick a card -
Ricketts: [With too much satisfaction] Ladies and gentlemen, I
believe we have a first volunteer!
Montague: Sweet, yes!
Ricketts: Okay, two more straps here - now we’re not worried about you flying out or anything, these are just a precaution. You’ll be enclosed in the bubble.
Montague: Ah! Sweet! Sweet, sweet, sweet. Wooo. Awesome. So uh, how many uh, Gs? I-I’m not completely new to this, I went on a lunar cruise last year, you ever been, it’s nice, great craters, but they put you in a gel cocoon so it’s not too bad. How many Gs did you say . . .?
Rickett: We’re starting you at 2, then we’ll ramp it up a bit. Piece of cake. But you’re going to be part of a starship crew now, son. The crew doesn’t get a gel cocoon.
Montague: Oh right, well that doesn’t sound all that bad. Okay. Okay, ready uh ready to go, sir yes sir.[Laughs]
Ricketts: If you say so. [hatch closes]
Montague: Okay, great. [To himself] This- uh. This is going to be awesome. You’ll be fine. This is gonna be great. You’ll be fine. This is gonna beeeeeeeee- [Sound of motor starting, going faster and faster as Montague’s voice turns into a yell] [Laughing and whooping, retching noises]
[Whirring dies down. Hatch opens again]
Ricketts: [Smugly] So, how are you feeling in there?
Montague: Oh. Oh, I uh, I’m just- [Vomits on Ricketts]
[Montague walks up to Ricketts after class]
Montague: Heeey . . .
Ricketts: . . . What do you want?
Montague: Sorry I uh, puked. On you. Right there.
Ricketts: It’s . . . it’s fine, don’t worry about it.
Montague: If it helps, that shirt is way, waaay more flattering. If it helps.
Ricketts: It doesn’t. But thank you.
Montague: Sooooo. Uh . . . Maybe I could buy you a drink to make up for it? Maybe? Uh, or get some food? There’s uh um - there’s an izakaya place near the facility I saw on my drive in this morning. Wanna check it out?
Ricketts: Uh, I’m not sure I want to eat food with you after seeing what you ate for breakfast.
Montague: Oh, come on. I promise I won’t puke again. Well, I guess that depends on how good the food is. Or how much we drink.
Ricketts:[Laughs] I don’t think so. I only have so many shirts.
Montague: Well, it doesn’t have to be food then. I just need some social interaction, you know? Uh, we could just go back to my hotel room and -
Ricketts: Uh, look, I’m going to stop you there. You’re an - an interesting guy. But look, there are rules in place during training, and honestly it’s not a great idea to get too comfortable with one another in these situations.
Montague: What, rules against getting food with people?
Ricketts: Also, frankly, my husband just left me and I’m really not in a place to have a fling.
Montague: Oh. OH. Oh no no no. No. No no no. OH. I mean, I’m not - That’s not -
Ricketts: Oh, if you don’t-
Montague: No no, I’m, uh, no, you’re cool and all but, uh, flings aren’t really my thing being demi and all . . . uh and also I puked on you earlier and you’ve had some on your shoe all day and I haven’t had the heart to tell you that it’s there . . .
Ricketts: I see. Well, this has been . . . a weird day. . .I
think I am going to go home.
Montague: [Quietly] Yeah, sure.
Ricketts: [Under his breath, walking away] And maybe start rethinking the whole teaching thing.
INT. BERKLEY’S OFFICE
Montague: . . . Ricket?
Montague: Ah! That one.
Berkley: Uh . . . do you two know each other?
Ricketts: Yeah, we may have . . . we may have run into each other.
Montague: Yeah, ha. It’s a big place. It’s a big place here.
Berkley: Great, let’s get down to business, then.
Berkley: So what did you think, Ed?
Ricketts: He’s a good pick. Knows his stuff. I think he’ll get on
well with the rest of the science team.
Berkley: And? Anything else?
Ricketts: . . . he’ll be fine. Just . . . I am NOT sitting next to him during takeoff.
Tides is written by Jesse Schuschu and directed by Ayla Taylor and Jesse Schuschu. It was produced by Ayla Taylor and edited by Bridge Geene.
The voice of Dr. Robert Montague is James Oliva, Captain Ed Ricketts is Zach Libresco, and Miles Berkley is Jack Pevyhouse.
Special thanks to Sarah Durst for designing our cover art and merch, which you can find at teepublic.com/stores/tides or by going to our website and clicking “Store”.
You can find transcripts on our website tidespodcast.com and follow us on Tumblr and Twitter at @tidespodcast. If you like our show and would like to help us keep making it, you can support us on patreon.com/tidespodcast. Special thanks to Richard Kreutz-Landry, Doug Bostic, and Bill Imbrogna for their support and especially to Abysmii for their particularly generous contributions.
This episode we would like to recommend another audio drama we have been enjoying: Janus Descending. A limited series, science fiction/horror audio drama podcast, it follows the arrival of two xenoarcheologists on a small world orbiting a binary star. But what starts off as an expedition to survey the planet and the remains of a lost alien civilization, turns into a monstrous game of cat and mouse, as the two scientists are left to face the creatures that killed the planet in the first place. Told from two alternating perspectives, Janus Descending is an experience of crossing timelines, as one character describes the nightmare from end to beginning, and the other, from beginning to the end.
Fun Fact: Julia Schifini does the sound design! That. . . that’s me.
And now . . .
This is Dr. Robert Montague and this is a Rock Fact. Whoever says you can do anything you put your mind to probably hasn’t tried to eat as many rocks as I have.